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The Conversion ni J. Neil Garcia

                It happened in a metal drum.

They put me there, my family

                That loved me. The water

had been saved just for it, that day.

                The laundry lay caked and smelly

in the flower-shaped basins.

                Dishes soiled with fat and swill

piled high in the sink, and grew flies.

                My cousins did not get washed that morning.

Lost in masks of snot and dust,

                Their faces looked tired and resigned

to the dirty lot of children.

                All the neighbors gathered around our

open-air bathroom. Wives peered out

                From the upper floor of their houses

into our yard. Father had arrived booming

                with his cousins, my uncles.

They were big strong men, my uncles.

                They turned the house inside-out

looking for me. Curled up in the deepest corner

                Of my dead mother’s cabinet, father found me.

He dragged me down the stairs by the hair

                Into the waiting arms of my uncles.

Because of modesty, I merely screamed and cried.

                Their hands, swollen and black with hair, bore me

up in the air, and touched me. Into the cold of

                the drum I slipped, the tingling

too much to bear at times my knees

                felt like they had turned into water.

Waves swirled up and down around me, my head

                Bobbing up and down. Father kept booming,

Girl or Boy. I thought about it and squealed,

                Girl. Water curled under my nose.

When I rose the same words from father.

                The same girl kept sinking deeper,

Breathing deeper in the churning void.

                In the end I had to say what they all

Wanted me to say. I had to bring this diversion

                To its happy end, if only for the pot of rice         

left burning in the kitchen. I had to stop

                wearing my dead mother’s clothes. In the mirror

I watched the holes on my ears grow smaller,

                Until they looked as if they had never heard

Of rhinestones, nor felt their glassy weight.

                I should feel happy now that I’m

redeemed. And I do. Father died within five years.

                I got my wife pregnant with the next.

Our four children, all boys,

                Are the joy of my manhood, my proof.

Cousins who never shed their masks

                Play them for all their snot and grime.

Another child is on the way.

                I have stopped caring what it will be,

Water is still a problem and the drum

                Is still there, deep and rusty.

The bathroom has been roofed with plastic.

                Scrubbed and clean, my wife knows I like things.

She follows, though sometimes a pighead she is.

                It does not hurt to show her who is the man.

A woman needs some talking sense into. If not,

                I hit her in the mouth to learn her.

Everytime, swill drips from her shredded lips.

                I drink with my uncles who all agree.

They should because tonight I own their souls

                And the bottles they nuzzle like their prides.

While they boom and boom flies whirr

                Over their heads that grew them. Though nobody

Remembers, I sometimes think of the girl

                Who drowned somewhere in dream many dreams ago

I see her at night with bubbles

                springing like flowers from her nose.

She is dying and before she sinks I try  to touch

                Her open face. But the water learns

To heal itself and closes around her like a wound.

                I should be sorry but I drown myself in gin before

I can. Better off dead, I say to myself

                And my family that loves me for my bitter breath.

We die to rise to a better life.

Outing Kahit Hindi Summer :)

Ang outing kasama ang aking mga kapatid, kapuso, katrabaho at kapamilya sa GE Department ng Sintang Paaralan. :) 

Ngayong Mas Mahaba na ang mga Gabi

 

Kay bilis natapos ng maghapon

Parang hangin lang ang umagang nagdaan

Ang masayang pananghaliang pinagsaluhan

Ang kapana- panabik at nakakikilig na mga tagpo

Na tila nagmula sa isang teleseryeng romantiko

Ay isa na lamang alaala

Gayundin ang meriendang buong tamis na inihanda

Sa hapag

Para sa iyo, para sa akin

Para sa atin

Sa dapithapong may dalang awit ng pagsinta

Habang lumulubog ang araw

Sa dalampasigang binabalot ng matingkad na kahel

Kasabay ng mga panakaw na kwentuhan at hagikgikan

Inilahad ko sa’yo ang aking mga panaginip at pangarap

Pinakinggan ko ang salaysay ng iyong buhay

Nagpatianod ako sa tawag ng kasiyahan, 

ng kaligayahan… 

ng kabaliwan.

Batid kong ang lahat ng iyon ay maglalaho sa pagsapit ng dilim

Alam kong sa pagpapalit ng araw at buwan ay matatapos ang galak na aking nadarama

Mawawala  kang parang bula

Mapapatid ang pising nagdurugtong sa akin,

sa sa’yo… 

sa atin.

Noo' y handa ako sa pagtulog nang mag- isa

Panatag akong magsolo sa kama

Sa pag- asang kinabukasan ay muling masisilayan ka 

Nakangiti at masigla.

Subalit tila may kakaiba sa lagay ng panahon ngayon

Kasabay ng pag- alis ng habagat at pagdating ng amihan

Ang di maipaliwanag na takbo ng klima

Ang nakapapasong init ay dagling mapapalitan ng maladelubyong bagyo

Nakapagtataka.

Waring nagmamadali sa pagsikat ang araw 

At nag- aatubili sa paglitaw ang buwan

Nakalulungkot.

Mas mahaba na nga ang mga gabi

Mas mahaba na ang panahong di kita makikita

Higit na magiging matagal ang oras ng aking pag- iisa

Balutin man ng mga tala ang kalangitan

Kumutan man ito ng liwanag ng buwan

Paulit- ulit mang sabihin sa aking

Ang kasunod ng pinakamadilim na bahagi ng gabi ay ang bukangliwayway

Hindi mo maitatatangging nakababagot ang paghihintay

Sa pagsapit ng umaga,

sa pagdating mo…

sa wala.